Just plain boring...

I have to admit, I am just plain boring right now. I am too busy with school to even be able to do other things. I think that my attitude for this semester is slowly going down hill. I am tired of being stressed out, I am tired of always telling my kids that I am busy right now and that I will be with them in a minute. I am tired of being tired. December cannot come soon enough. I feel like I am missing out on so much right now. I know school is a good thing, but I think for me right now, it will be good to take a break.
I have made some resolutions with myself.
First, I will make more time for my kids. I don't want to be one of those parents that keeps blowing them off to where eventually they will stop coming to me for things. I want to have a relationship with them, I want them to know that I am there to listen to them and to talk to them about what is on their minds.
Along with making more time for my kids, I want to "play" with my kids. There is a lot of times that I have thought about the fact that I don't actually sit down and play with them. Sure I read them books (sometimes begrudgingly), and I let them "help" me when I make a cake or cook, but I don't sit down and get on their level and play with them. It is something that I want to do more of.
I want to watch less TV and limit my time on the computer. It's funny that we don't even have cable, but yet my husband and I spend a lot of time that we could be doing things as a family watching net flicks or movies. I think that if I spent less time doing these things, the more I could be creative and come up with fun things for my kids and I to do.
An important one for me is, I don't want to yell anymore! I came from a family that yelled a lot, and I hated it then. I wonder sometimes if I hated it then so much, why do I do it now. I notice too that since I do a lot of yelling, my kids are starting to yell at each other to get their points across. I don't want to live in a household like that, and I don't want my kids to either. Yelling really doesn't get me anywhere. It doesn't make my kids listen more, it's not effective, so why do I keep on doing it?
I want to start "asking" instead of "demanding". I hate it when I feel like I am just a maid or servant in my own house. I don't like it when my kids "demand" things from me like "mom, get me a drink, or mom, make me lunch". But in all fairness, where did they learn it from? That's right, me with my "put on your shoes and go clean your room." I know that the example starts with me. I know that if my kids see me asking them to do things instead of telling them that it will change the way that they go about asking for things too.
That is only some of the things that I want to change about myself, and I know it won't be easy and I know that it won't happen over night. I want to be better at raising my children. I want them to feel the love that I have for them everyday. But I know that just telling them with words isn't enough, I need to show them with my actions.
I kind of went off on a tangent here but, it was just the thoughts that were in my head that I felt that I needed to write down. I have thought them for awhile but now hopefully since I have written them down, I will be held more accountable for making sure that I start working on them instead of just saying in my head that I need to.